Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
