I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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