i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
