# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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