on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
