My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
