I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
COCAINE IS GR8
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
