im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
