once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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