I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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