so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
