i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
