Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
