Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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