There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
