Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
