I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
