Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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