Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize