Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
