I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
