I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
