I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
