I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
