I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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