you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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