so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
