please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she smelled like a LAN party
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
