In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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