i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
