Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
