just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
