I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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