went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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