So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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