Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
