walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
