Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
