i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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