omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
