eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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