I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
