I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
