I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize