my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you inspire me to be a worse person
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
