my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
