Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
