Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
