Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
