this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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