bring money and cleavage
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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