There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I am morally bankrupt
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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