i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
