chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
