garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
