You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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