totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
