no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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