i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize