some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
