Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize