She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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