Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize