I just pynch a tree in the face
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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