Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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