I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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