I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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