I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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