And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
