The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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