Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
