turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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