We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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