Me too!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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